20,13 (Portugal, 2006)

Director: Joaquim Leitão.

Principal cast: Marco D'Almeida, Adriano Carvalho, Carla Chambel, Maya Booth.




It happens ever so often that people resort to religious arguments against homosexuality not because they are very religious but simply because they have run out of any rational ones. And these religious arguments are apparently powerful enough to lead to committing what ought to be considered as the ultimate sin – a murder of another human being. It seems, however, that in the minds of many so-called Christians homosexuality is a far worse sin than murder and they will murder you for your homosexuality believing that they are acting according to the will of God. But actual reasons for committing a homophobic murder can, nevertheless, be very prosaic and far more selfish than “saving” humanity from the fate of Sodom and Gomorrah. In the acclaimed Portuguese director Joaquim Leitão’s latest feature “20,13” it’s nothing else but scorned love.

The film’s plot is set on Christmas Eve of 1969 in a Portuguese army outpost in Mozambique during the ongoing colonial war. The outpost’s commander’s wife is flown in by a helicopter to join her husband on this occasion, only the good captain doesn’t seem to be overwhelmed with joy. In the meantime, an away mission headed by Lieutenant Gaio returns with a prisoner from the rebels’ forces reporting of some suspicious activity on the other side of the border. The prisoner is thrown into a makeshift cell while the reports of an imminent attack are dismissed as smugglers’ activities by the visiting Colonel who came with the same helicopter as the captain’s wife. It’s Christmas Eve and the army unit, seemingly consisting mainly of semiliterate country bumpkins from Salazar’s Portugal are mostly preoccupied with the approaching Christmas party.

Still, not everyone has partying on their minds as the private Vicente is doing his best entertaining the crowd singing a coquettish duo with Esperança, the unit’s paramedic’s wife. The captain suddenly leaves looking distraught while Esperança’s husband is steaming with jealousy, accusing her later on of rubbing herself up against every man in the unit. But it doesn’t last long before the cheerful party comes to an abrupt end just as the field chaplain is about to deliver his sermon when several shells explode outside and the unit finds itself under attack. The ensuing turmoil comes to a swift end when the enemy cannon suddenly stops shelling but it is soon discovered that someone attempted to murder the prisoner in his cell during the attack. The whole situation becomes even more enigmatic when Lieutenant Gaio and his fellow investigators also discover a passage from the Bible written in blood in the prisoner’s cell which turns out to be a quote from Genesis: Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah - from the LORD out of the heavens. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, including all those living in the cities - and also the vegetation in the land.

The prisoner is quickly brought to the unit’s medical bay where Esperança’s jealous husband is baffled by the unauthorised absence of Vicente, his asistant. After several more sporadic attacks on the unit, the paramedic decides to go looking for Vicente only to find him lying inside one of the barracks shot dead and with a piece of paper in his hand with another quote from the Bible written on it: if a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall be put to death; their blood is upon them. The chaplain consults the Bible and finds out that the text found in the murdered private’s hand is the exact wording of Leviticus 20:13 (hence the title of the film) and he and Lieutenant Gaio set out on a murder investigation riddled with Biblical references while the “burning sulphur” literally is pouring over their heads as the enemy attacks resume. But does anyone really want to know the truth?

There is no doubt that by placing the story’s protagonists in the middle of a dirty colonial war the director questions the morality of the people who can only be described as moralistic bigots. When “God” starts “raining the burning sulphur” over the colonial army unit, is it because of the homosexual love found there or is it because it’s fighting a war where the only thing that counts is the body count? If the former were the case, I’m afraid it would be raining burning sulphur everywhere in the world pretty much non-stop. No, the burning sulphur came upon them for completely different reasons. And it certainly didn’t come from God or any other divine being. Those, who frothing at the mouth talk of God’s will and spend their lives shouting about it till they get blue in the face often drop dead with a heart attack. Wouldn’t you call that God’s will?

“20,13” is a drama of surpressed passions where glances are more honest than words since honest words dare not be uttered. Full of emotional tension and aptly illustrated horrors of war, Joaquim Leitão’s attempt to combine a colonial war with the issues of morality and Bible-bashing comes across as an honest voice raised against the criminal double-facedness of not just the army in question but the society it claims to defend at large. But it is also a murder mystery, so if you want to know who did it, you’ll have to watch it for yourselves!

Here you can watch the film's trailer (in Portuguese):

Clandestinos (Spain, 2007)

Director: Antonio Hens.

Principal cast: Israel Rodríguez, Hugo Catalán, Mehroz Arif, Pepa Aniorte.





How does one become a terrorist? Is there a terrorist hotline a potential martyr can call to clarify such things? There must a number of criteria any terrorist wanna-be would be expected to fulfill before being able to join up. One thing, for instance, that would puzzle me is whether one can be gay and a terrorist at the same time. While the answer is self-evident when it comes to the radical Islamists, it isn’t necessarily a given when it comes to our own European brands – IRA and ETA. In any case, 18-year-old Xabi, the main character of the Spanish director Antonio Hens’ first feature film „Clandestinos”, should have called this hotline before he decided to try and win the heart of Iñaki, an older ETA commando, by staging a self-styled terrorist attack in the middle of Madrid, thus proving himself to be „worthy” of the old terrorist’s love, for they might have told him that the monochrome worldview of a terrorist’s mind doesn’t seem to have the ability to see any of the rainbow colours.

Xabi and his Mexican friend Joel stage a dramatic escape from a juvenile correctional facility in Ciudad Real in the south of Spain. Facing an imminent deportation to his native Morocco, also Driss seizes the opportunity and flees the prison with them. Soon thereafter the trio boards a bus bound for Madrid where they meet two girls who are returning from the sunny beaches of southern Spain. Joel doesn’t waste any time and quickly befriends the girls, so when they arrive in Madrid, it goes almost without saying that he stays with them. Driss who feels that he ows his new found freedom to Xabi follows him to Iñaki’s flat only to discover that it’s empty and the man himself is gone. Iñaki doesn’t reply to Xabi’s calls and seems to have vanished without a trace but that doesn’t make Xabi lose his heart. On the countrary, he is determined to prove to him that he has all it takes to be a useful gudari, fit to fight for the Basque cause.

Short of cash, he goes back to turning tricks, something he also did before ending up in prison. One day he is picked up by an elderly policeman who takes him back to his house. In the morning, while his trick is still asleep he goes through the drawers of a desk in his study and finds a gun. When the old guy suddenly appears in the doorway, Xabi panicks and flees the house with it. This turn of events prompts the old cop to initiate an investigation of his own which soon enough leads him to the correctional facility in Ciudad Real. Here he examines the young fugitive’s former lodgings, full of Basque flags and banners where he also comes across a photo of Xabi and Iñaki, a well-known Basque terrorist. Different pieces of the puzzle start to fit together.

In the meantime, Xabi is set on implementing his plan – he is to blow up the massive Spanish flag on Columbus Square in the Spanish capital with some home-made explosives. And it actually turns out to be a piece of cake to get hold of all the necessary ingredients for the bomb in a local DIY store. He also enrolls the help of Driss who would do anything for his new friend. At the same time, Xabi continues to pursue Iñaki whose female companion starts getting suspicious. After answering Iñaki’s phone to Xabi once, she decides to find out who this unwelcome stalker is and even pays him a visit threatening him with dire consequences if he doesn’t lay off. Obviously being a complete closet case, Iñaki denies any knowledge of the boy to his companion but when Xabi’s bomb does go off sabotaging the real ETA commandos’ plan, the Xabi problem becomes too paramount to be ignored any more. But the old policeman has his own plan how to rescue the lost soul of the wanna-be terrorist.

Despite its main premise, „Clandestinos” isn’t as much a film about terrorism and its roots as a need for identity and search for love. Being abandoned by his parents as a child, Xabi finds himself drawn to a trick who turns out to be a Basque terrorist. Through him he feels that he too has found not only love but also some sort of purpose with his life. People who have never been short of love rarely become fanatical supporters of a cause which doesn’t even have anything to do with them. The need to be loved and respected by the object of one’s desire can lead to extremes if one’s despair is bad enough. At the age of 18 people also tend to be uncompromising in their beliefs. The black and white understanding of things is also what actually helps the terrorist recruiters to find so many willing to die for the sake of a cause. The reason why Xabi, who was definitely ripe enough to be plucked by the ETA recruiters, was never taken onboard has to be sought in the circumstances under which he and Iñaki met. For Iñaki to admit to being gay would most probably have meant a political suicide.

„Clandestinos” may seem like a heavy drama. It is not. Honestly speaking, I’m not sure any Spanish director is actually capable of making a drama à la Fassbinder or Bergman. Even the delicate matter of terrorism, which has claimed many Spanish lives, is treated here with a great deal of black humour. It should also be noted that the film provides a fair deal of eye candy too since our protagonists aren’t shy of their bodies and don’t mind showing them off. Terrorists or not, the feeling that you get after watching this film is definitely not terror.

Here you can watch the film's trailer (in Spanish):

The Lost Coast (USA, 2008)

Director: Gabriel Fleming.

Principal cast: Ian Scott McGregor, Lucas Alifano, Lindsay Benner, Chris Yule.


Sexuality is never black and white. No matter how much the mainstream society is set on mainstreaming people in its midst by trying to categorise everything and put everyone in a box with an easily recognisable label on it, there will always be grey areas defying such approach. Gabriel Fleming’s second feature film „The Lost Coast” navigates through one such grey area challenging, in director’s own words, the dominant gay/straight dichotomy. Well, other people may call this grey area bisexuality but I guess that’s also just another box.

Mark and Lily, who share a flat, are joined by Jasper and Caleb, their old high school friends for the Halloween celebrations in San Francisco’s Castro district. All four of them still in their early twenties, they are ostensibly set for a raucous night out, one night per year when you can look like Charles Manson or Mother Theresa and still get laid. But what is supposed to be a fun night out turns into a miserable wandering through the desolate inner landscapes of the film’s protagonists, unearthing old half-secrets and potent emotions barely hidden behind their cynically cool exterior.

The story is narrated as an e-mail which Jasper writes the day after the Halloween night to his girlfriend, currently somewhere overseas, the purpose of which is as much to clear Jasper’s head and put words to his feelings and frustrations as it is meant to explain to his girlfriend the nature of the relationship he and Mark shared in high school. Now an out and proud gay man, Mark actually used to date Lily in those days. But once, when all three of them went on a camping trip to the titular Lost Coast somewhere in northern California, the two boys struck a relationship which couldn’t be described as other than intimate. The two boys weren’t, however, exactly on the same wave length when it came to the feelings that this „fooling around”, as Lily refered to it at one point, aroused in them. Mark was always seen as the cool and smart guy, always excelling at everything he did while Jasper was more of an introverted person, feeling privileged to be Mark’s friend. By being with him, he felt better about himself, letting Mark’s coolness spill on him too while to Mark, he apparently was mostly a guy that he could experiment with. After graduation they parted their ways, evidently no questions asked but now back face-to-face with each other, the ghosts of their past relationship came back to haunt them - feelings that were never discussed, words that were never said. And the situation isn’t made easier by the presence of Lily whose resigned and melancholic disposition is only reinforced by her Pierrot’s outfit or Caleb whose tactless open-mouthedness only serves as a catalyst for the unavoidable confrontation.

At one point, as the foursome are mooching about in Castro’s district, Caleb asks Lily if Jasper is actually straight to which she only replies with a „well” which sounds more like „where do I begin”. Being able to put people in boxes, especially with respect to their sexuality, makes things easier for so many people as it replaces any need for independent thinking and any imagination whatsoever. Sexuality, just like people’s personality traits, is individual and although most people find themselves attracted to one gender in the end, it doesn’t mean that they have never had or been capable of having feelings for both genders. Jasper may not be gay but that doesn’t mean that he wasn’t in love with Mark. At the same time, Mark’s feelings for Lily may have been as genuine when they dated.

„The Lost Coast” is very much a poetic film. Its dreamlike pseudo-flashback sequences of Jasper, Mark and Lily wandering through the cold and unhospitable landscapes of the fateful coast resonate perfectly well with the lyrics of their emotions. They walk through thick grass, swamps and barren bushes, sometimes waiting for each other, sometimes barging ahead on their own. The nearly transcendental atmosphere of the film complements its sense of raw authenticity, well aided by the convincing performances of the young actors. All in all, it’s one of those rare films where the slow-pacedness eventually leads to a meditative state of mind and that’s not so bad for a change.

Here you can watch the film's trailer:

Piao lang qing chun (漂浪青春, Drifting Flowers, Taiwan, 2008)

Director: Zero Chou.

Principal cast: Lu Yi-Ching, Serena Fang, Chao Yi-Lan, Sam Wang.





A train relentlessly whisking in and out of tunnels while the accordion’s cheerless wailing fills the air shared by disconsolate people with no self-evident destination may not be everyone’s first idea of a Taiwanese film about lesbian life, nor may it be to everyone’s taste. Still, Taiwanese LGBT-themed cinematography continues to provide a breath of fresh air to the contemporary depictions of queer life on film. The 2007 winner of The Best Feature Teddy Award for “Spider Lilies”, the director Zero Chou impresses with her third feature film “Drifting Flowers”, a three-parter with interrelated and mostly unconventional storylines about the perpetual search for happiness and love and its many failures.

The first part which is titled “May” relates the story of a relationship between May (or Meigo, as she is properly called in Chinese), an 8-year-old girl and her much older sister Jing who is blind and works as a singer at a local restaurant where her performances are accompanied by the accordion-playing Diego, a very tomboyish appearing girl. The little girl is fascinated by Diego’s androgynous look and finds it hard to call her “madame” as her sister insists. Soon enough Diego starts walking Jing home, taking an interest in her which is certainly beyond their work relationship. The trouble begins when May’s fascination develops into a crush on Diego. A child’s egocentric nature and very uncomplicated, yet single-minded frame of mind has no place for sharing when it comes to owning its suddenly discovered object of childish desire. And predictably enough everybody loses, with the possible exception of the heteronormative society in whose midst the three are planted.

As Jing and Diego are rutinely performing at the restaurant for yet another wedding party, the film smootly glides into its second part, “Lily”. Only this particular occasion isn’t very ordinary as they are performing at a sham wedding between Yen, Diego’s camp gay friend and Lily, a lesbian girl and the only daughter of an ill-tempered puppet theatre owner. The real lovers of both newlyweds are actually at the wedding too and at one point they even restore some sort of normality in a backroom of the restaurant where they shortly convene. But from there we promptly take a jump into their future which looks as bleak as the past looked festive. Lily who is suffering from Alzheimer’s and looking rather old and feeble is visited by Yen, her official husband who also appears in a state of decay. We quickly learn that he has been HIV-positive for years and his lover seems to have found a young and healthy replacement for him. Lily is brought out of her near-catatonic state by Yen’s sudden appearance only to mistake him for Ocean, her old love who evidently left her years ago when Lily had become ill. Yen’s somewhat androgynous traits make the situation believable, and although he tries to persuade her that he isn’t Ocean, it falls on deaf ears and Lily applies her whole remaining arsenal of wit and emotional inducement to try and prevent the person she sees as her old love from leaving her again. “Lily” is easily the most moving part of the film, full of despair but also unexpected hope.

The third part, “Diego” provides another jump in time, only this time backwards. We go back to the young version of Diego, full of frustration and lust. She is often mistaken for a boy and finds the girly clothes that her mother tries to make her wear gross and highly uncomfortable. She hangs out with the young version of Yen wishing that he was a girl who in turn would love Diego to be a guy. One evening after her homophobic brother, obviously afraid that she may claim half of the family business, makes her quit their parents’ puppet theatre, she gladly joins on stage scantily-clad Lily whose father makes her sing cheery popsicle songs drawing a joyous crowd, much to the annoyance of Diego’s parents whose somewhat more “traditional” performances fail to draw much attention. Diego radiates happiness while dancing away to Lily’s rendition of “The Heartless Train”, a Chinese line dance classic, and later the two of them share brief moments of intimacy, making out and talking about future - future that we as viewers already know a thing or two about.

We know about “the heartless train” whisking them in and out of tunnels - never pausing, never giving them a break. But we also know that at the same time they will never stop searching for love and happiness. One critic called “Drifting Flowers” a morose portrayal of gay life. I disagree. Both the conditions that societies outline for gay people and the choices that we make ourselves make our lives morose or otherwise. Portraying people who have suffered blows in their lives or are desparate or frustrated is not morose. It’s a reality for many people, and this film certainly doesn’t suggest that the train they’re on will now crush into a brick wall, killing all onboard.

“Drifting Flowers” is an atmospheric film which feels warmly about its characters. It is also a fairly big step away from the traditional Taiwanese arthouse cinema which most audiences find unaccessible. The film is rather moody in its tone and its musical score is mostly melancholic but it shouldn’t be mistaken for depressing. It should be experienced more like the flowers that it alludes to, taking in all the fragrance while they are drifting past you.

Here you can watch the film's trailer:

Barcelona (un mapa) (Barcelona (A Map), Spain, 2007)

Director: Ventura Pons.

Principal cast: Núria Espert, Josep Maria Pou, Rosa Maria Sardà, Jordi Bosch.



It is peculiar how dictators across the world, nominally professing to different ideologies, are always adamant to be seen as defenders of the „traditional” family values. There is, of course, nothing particularly suprising in that – people coerced into appearing and acting as a homogenous and „happy” mass are much easier to control. Anybody sticking out can be instantly identified and eliminated. However, to great chagrin of all dictators, this only means that the „exemplary” citizens quickly learn double speak and double act while all behaviour inconsistent with the „traditional values” endorsed by the regime is simply consigned to the shadowed fringes of the society. Dictators are disposed of or die, regimes change but their highly harmful legacy of secrets and lies can last for many generations. Still, sooner or later the façades of the „exemplary traditional families” will inevitably crumble and the shadowed fringes will come to light, just like it happens in „Barcelona (A Map)”, a film by Ventura Pons set in the Catalonian capital some 30 years after Franco’s death, based on a novel by Lluïsa Cunille „Barcelona, A Map Of Shadows”.

Rosa and Ramon are an elderly couple who are living in a spacious old Barcelona flat. Not requiring all the space themselves, over the years they have rented out some of the rooms. But now, as terminally ill Ramon is slowly preparing for his final moments on this planet, the couple have asked the three current tenants to move out as quickly as possible. The film’s account takes place over the course of one night. As tenants come home one by one, the pair take their time to urge them to keep their promise and vacate the premises before Monday. The film’s story is displayed as five dialogues with a striking pattern – while Rosa talks to the only male tenant, Ramon takes care of the two ladies. This, however, only emphasises the contrast between the ingrown „traditional” façade of the couple and the dark secrets they are about to reveal.

The three tenants – a 40 something lady giving private French lessons, a 31-year-old failed football player working as a security guard at a shopping mall and a pregnant Argentinian migrant worker – can all be described as examples of urban solitude. They all have one thing in common – they have no where else to go, nor do they really care about moving on. The French teacher doesn’t get along with her son and can only moan about God and French vanishing from the local people’s lives at the same time. The guard is separated from his wife and his only ambition seems to be beating up his wife’s new lover with his service gun. The Argentinian girl has no family or friends in this city and generally has difficulties communicating with people in Barcelona which isn’t only down to her inability to speak Catalonian. At one point she exclaims that „here, for someone to look into your eyes you have to fall down”. And in a figurative sense, in these conversations they all have to fall down before they can truly look into each other’s eyes.

During the course of the night we learn that Ramon has one particular secret (one of many). When he worked as an usher at the city’s Opera House, he often sneaked into the artists’ wardrobes and dressed up in the different outfits found there, preferably women’s clothes. A secret favourite pastime which has survived to this day and which has once been accidentally witnessed by the Argentinian girl. In his conversation with the French teacher, Ramon actually confesses to that himself. When asked by her if he would have liked to have been found out, his answer is no. His answer is the same when the French teacher gives him a departing gift, a black and white photograph of a naked man dancing over the body of his murdered mother, and asks him if he’s never felt the need to get undressed just to be really looked at? In many ways crossdressing and undressing have the same quality – they can reveal your true self. But while crossdressing will ruin your official façade, full nudity will be seen as the ultimate intimacy, baring yourself completely in the eyes of the beholder. There is no place for either in a shadow existence.

The fourth conversation takes place between Rosa and her homosexual brother who had just picked up a hustler in a sauna but left him at home since the guy managed to fall asleep before any action took place. He wants her to run away with him while she wants him to attend to her ill husband. But the brother and sister turn out to be something quite different when we learn another secret during the fifth and final conversation which takes place between the two old spouses themselves. During this conversation Ramon also gives Rosa an old map of Barcelona where he, having once worked as a courier on foot, marked all the shadowed streets to avoid too much direct sunlight - a map of shadows.

True to its title, „Barcelona (A Map)” maps the shadowed lives of people trapped behind the façades of „traditional values”, secretly wishing to set the whole city ablaze, especially Sagrada Família, the famous cathedral designed by Gaudí which still stands unfinished, a symbol of uncompleted lives of our protagonists. To burn something down may also be necessary to be able to build something new. It is a slowly-paced film whose characters are full of surprises with a distinct similarity, however seemingly unlikely, to Pedro Almodovar’s universe. By dissecting its characters, the film also reveals Franco’s legacy in the fabric of the Spanish society. Fascism begins in the family, as everything else. At one point, Rosa who recently watched the traditional Spanish bullfight, notes with a certain surprise that the mostly foreign spectators were cheering the bulls instead of the bullfighters. This was a note of optimism, of changed times. Siding with the underdogs and opposing the brutality of force is the opposite of fascism. The map of shadows needs not exist anymore.

Here you can watch the film's trailer

Avant que j'oublie (Before I Forget, France, 2007)

Director: Jacques Nolot.

Principal cast: Jacques Nolot, Marc Rioufol, Bruno Moneglia, Bastien d'Asnières.


Ageing isn’t a kind process to most people but it can be a lot worse if your dashing looks and athletic body used to be your main source of income. „Before I Forget”, the final installment of Jacques Nolot’s trilogy about gay life in Paris follows the daily routines of a 58-year-old former hustler (or gigolo as he prefers to be called himself) Pierre whose seemingly well-off life cannot conceal the fact that his decaying body is only the visible tip of the chilly iceberg which his life has become. The film’s director, Jacques Nolot stars himself as Pierre in this rather melancholic, still surprisingly unsentimental account of a person’s dusk on the fringes of the society.

The film opens with a black circle emerging as a dot on a white screen. Slowly but steadily the circle grows bigger until it swallows the entire screen, thus making the viewer take a plunge into the kind of oblivion which Pierre is facing. Living off the money provided by former wealthy lovers, Pierre spends his days meeting old gigolo friends, going to a psycho- therapist, trying to write, engaging young hustlers or just watching life pass by at his local bistro over a beer and a sandwich.

Conversations with his friends and acquaintances are devoid of any passion or real interest in what the other has to say. All topics seem to circle around the prices of rentboys and how poorly they are doing moneywise themselves while trying to convince the counterpart that he should feel lucky and privileged. There is no room for genuine compassion or empathy in these conversations, so the only people who can stand Pierre’s moaning are the ones he pays, namely his psychotherapist and the hustlers who treat it as a professional duty to listen to him. Pierre sometimes talks of suicide and how even seemingly well-adjusted people do it but his composed façade won’t let his surroundings take him seriously and only ascribe such talk to his attention seeking. The thought of his death approaching has never really been absent in Pierre’s mind. Already at the age of 25 he decided not to make any investments since he didn’t expect to live much longer. And for the past 24 years Pierre has had his HIV-positive status hanging over him as the Sword of Damocles, always expecting the worst but never actually succumbing to the virus.

He did, however, make some investments. At the age of 25 when he had already put a cross on himself, he met Tountoune, a former society gigolo who became his lover and benefactor. Although they never lived under the same roof, they were together for almost 35 years. Tountoune had also willed his entire fortune to Pierre but his will was never registered with a lawyer because of some quarrels the two had in their last years, so when Tountoune suddenly died on the day they were supposed to meet for lunch, Pierre was only left with two life insurances in his name as his benefactor’s family naturally removed the handwritten will from the desk drawer where it was kept for many years. Pierre feels cheated out of his old lover’s inheritance, the only pension a former hustler can hope for, but the whole ordeal only seems to motivate him to put a bigger effort behind writing.

Despite his writing ambitions, Pierre has never been much of a reader himself. Although the bookshelves in his flat (which he actually owns) don’t display much empty space, he claims that he falls asleep after the first page he’s trying to read. He laments his lack of culture when he visits his shrink, still he is driven to put his own thoughts on paper for others to read. His apparent inability to concentrate in order to read seems to be the same force that makes him write – his fear of the oblivion, the black circle which threatens to devour him before it’s too late to leave a footprint in the world of the living. Before he forgets. And despite his talk of suicide and Pasolini’s beautiful death, he doesn’t really want to go as yet. Although he claims that nothing interests him anymore, he spitefully resists a new HIV treatment since it may have side effects – loss of hair and looks. He still dresses elegantly and rarely lets his guard down in front of others. His obvious vanity at 58 suggests that he is still the same defiant and proud person behind his fatalistic façade. The final scene of the film, powerfully supported by Mahler’s music, masterfully shows this defiance of the oblivion he’s inevitably facing with all the dignity you can expect from an old unbroken queen.

„Before I Forget” is a stylistically flawless film which leaves the discerning viewer with a sense of empowerment. Unmistakeably French in its existentialist outlook and poetic camera work, this film is a sombre study of what may be in store for a person outside of the mainstream society toward the end of his days.

Here you can watch the film's trailer

Shelter (USA, 2007)

Director: Jonah Markowitz.

Principal cast: Trevor Wright, Brad Rowe, Tina Holmes, Katie Walder.




American cinematography has a relatively long tradition of easy-to-digest- and-drop-a-tear-or-two coming of age and coming out films. In a way, it has set a standard for such films for the mainstream queer audiences for as long as such films have been available for the very same target group. Here! TV’s first own feature “Shelter” is in many ways nothing but a continuation of this tradition, only with gay parenting issues thrown in as an extra subplot to try and catch the tides of the time. But while professional critics are busy calling this film flat and uninnovative, the average gay viewer out there is in a hurry to order this film on DVD after having given it numerous Audience Awards at this year’s queer film festivals. And that is utterly unsurprising – a romantic drama with a seemingly happy ending where the two main characters, played by hunky straight actors, use every excuse to show a bit of skin (either surfing or during some more intimate exercises), cannot be any further away from the gloom and doom of “Brokeback Mountain” and Prop 8. And that certainly sells.

The film’s plot evolves around Zach, a serious looking fellow in his early twenties and his rather dysfunctional family – his sister Jeanne, a single mother whose 5-year-old son Cody has found a fatherly figure in Zach as well as their ill and rather absent-minded father who seems to be more of a burden than a support. Feeling responsible for his family’s well-being, Zach has put his own future plans and needs on hold playing a surrogate father to Cody while his sister is busy finding a new man in her life. He spends his free time painting artsy graffitti on the walls of his neighbourhood, dreaming of an artist’s career and, since the film is set in the LA suburb of San Pedro, taming waves with his surfboard. Occasionally, he hangs out with his childhood friend Gaby and even dates Tori, a local girl. His relationship with her can at best be described as half-hearted – it is clear that she expects a lot more from him than he is willing or capable of giving. The pace of life is slow and physically undemanding but still there isn’t much that seems to put a smile on Zach’s face.

One day at the beach, he runs into Gabe’s brother, Shaun whom he hasn’t seen for some time. Shaun, an aspiring writer, has come down to San Pedro from his home somewhere in urban LA after an ended relationship to spend some time at his family’s house by the beach which is obviously only used every now and then as a getaway by different members of his family. The two hook up reminiscing about old times, surfing and burning midnight oil on Shaun’s terrace. Life seems easy and unrestrained. Only Zach’s sister seems to be worried – “doesn’t Zach know that Shaun’s gay?” In fact, he does – he even read Shaun’s first novel when it came out and, apparently, this novel was rather clear on the subject matter. Shaun is surprised but delighted. However, it isn’t long before first clouds appear on their sky – one night after a few beers on his terrace, Shaun kisses Zach. On the following day, Zach is all sullen and cold towards Shaun who, however, doesn’t seem to take his sudden change of mood too seriously. But it’s a different story for Zach – his unexpected feelings for Shaun are a torture – he’s torn between his loveless but comfortable life on one hand and this whole new world of homosexual desire on the other. Torn or not, he still chooses to embrace the latter and they are soon involved in a passionate relationship. A relationship which despite all the happiness that it brings to both protagonists, is kept a secret to the outside world.

Having an affair with Shaun doesn’t prevent Zach from continuing with his role as the de facto head of the family. Jeanne never fails to seize an opportunity to force Zach to babysit Cody while she’s working on her love interest Alan whose current interests in life as well as future plans haven’t got much room for the little boy. Instead, Cody gets to spend a lot of time in Shaun’s house and becomes very infatuated with his new adult friend. It is also Cody who unintentionally brings the secret affair to light. This sudden disclosure not only becomes a true test for Zach and Shaun’s relationship but also forces Zach to take a fight with his inner demons and choose his own path in life.

The inner struggle that Zach experiences seems to have three dimensions. Coming to terms with one’s own sexuality and coming out to the outside world are two that are known all to well to most non-heterosexual people. The third one is about finding a balance between one’s own needs and those of the others. Sacrificing oneself for the sake of one’s family or, for that matter, even one’s country usually only creates self-appointed martyrs who often end up bitter and lonesome, having driven away other people by their self-righteousness and beforehand doomed expectations from these very same people that they are allegedly sacrificing themselves for. Others just let objects of their selfless care tread all over them and take them for granted. And that which is taken for granted seldom yields any respect or is even generally noticed or appreciated. Needless to say, finding this balance is a lot more difficult process in real life than it may sound. For those who don’t automatically fit into the categories of either “Mother Theresa” at one end of the spectrum or “The Absolute Selfish Bastard” at the other, this process is a never-ending story. However, all these three dimensions can also be directly intertwined. Often people who cannot find acceptance in society or themselves due to their sexuality seek to apply their energy and emotions to tasks which make them forget, if only for a time, their own needs and personal life. By filling his days and his head with his family’s needs, Zach mentally postponed having to deal with questions like: why wasn’t he really interested in physical contact with the girl he was dating or any other girls for that matter? Why did he read Shaun’s gay novel in the first place? There is a significant number of people out there who spend their lives taking care of other people’s problems and needs simply because they don’t have a personal life themselves, or are too afraid to even think of having one. Finding self-respect and creating respect for oneself in others are two very essential steps one must take to be able to live a fullfilling life. And somebody who lives a fullfilling life also has a much stronger capacity to reach out to others in need of help. Toward the end of the film we see Zach finally attempting to take these steps.

Still, the whole gay parenting aspect in the film’s plot is more of a way of letting Zach have his cake and eat it than a real take on the issue. In the end, Zach isn’t forced to choose between his love life and taking care of Cody after his mother deserts him to move to Oregon with her boyfriend. Being a responsible young man in need of both a physical and emotional shelter, he and Cody simply move in with Shaun who seems to be more than happy with the arrangement. And surprise, surprise – Shaun’s home in LA is basicly next door to the art school where Zach has just been enrolled. Hmmm, a little too convenient?

This is clearly the film’s biggest and most obvious flaw. To the eye not completely blurred by the tears of happiness felt towards the budding family, Zach actually appears to be more of a gold-digging opportunist than someone passionately in love with Shaun. Also Shaun’s amazing availability and accommodation of Zach’s every tantrum just leaves me wondering if that Shaun character is for real and hasn’t been planted on Earth by a hostile alien race whose objective is to lull us into false security and then eat us? Or will he now turn out to be the real Mother Theresa of the two?

Whatever the answers to these questions, one thing seems certain – these apparent flaws in the film’s script will not deter most viewers from loving this film. And if you wish to have a relaxed and romantic evening at home with your boyfriend (or just wishing you had one) at Christmas and still feel that you’re watching something deep and meaningful without drowning yourself in existential anxieties afterwards, this might just be the film.

Here you can watch the film's trailer